The Modern Girl’s Guide to Afternoon Tea

Afternoon tea is a stalwart of classic style, etiquette, and society. We’ve got the goods on all the tea parties. Read on.

Few things evoke images of elegance, sophistication, and style like afternoon tea. Whether you’re attending a traditional English tea or a more modern gathering, knowing the basics of tea party style and etiquette will elevate your experience.

This guide will walk you through everything you need to know, from dress code to the subtleties of tea tradition, so that you can enjoy every moment.

A Brief History of Tea Tradition

Tea has been consumed across cultures for thousands of years. From Japanese tea ceremonies to the grandeur of Turkish hospitality, tea is a staple of style.

What we think of as the tea party dates back to the 17th century, when tea was introduced to England.

Originally a custom of the upper class, tea drinking became a widely fashionable social event during the 18th century.

Anna, the Duchess of Bedford, would popularize the custom of “afternoon tea” in the early 1800s – to fill the long gap between lunch and dinner.

In our community, teas have become a signature event for social occasions from sorority mixers to political fundraisers. A well-heeled sister should be prepared to attend at least a few each season.

Teas have endured because they offer a combination of social interaction, relaxation, and indulgence that isn’t often found elsewhere in our frenetic modern lives.

The Most Popular Kinds of Tea Parties

Afternoon Tea

Afternoon tea, also known as “low tea,” is usually served between 3:30 and 5 PM and includes a variety of finger sandwiches, scones with clotted cream, jam, and pastries.

If you’ve ever associated tea parties with cucumber sandwiches, this is the tea service you’re thinking of. It is a light, elegant affair.

High Tea

High tea, which is named for the food offered rather than its formality, is a more substantial meal than afternoon tea. It was traditionally enjoyed by workers as a hearty evening meal to tide them over.

Served later in the day, high tea includes heavier dishes like savory pies, casseroles, beans, and bread, in addition to tea and sweets.

Cream Tea

Cream tea is a delightful tea service that typically includes scones served with Devonshire (clotted) cream and jam. It is most common in the West Country area of England, particularly Cornwall and Devon.

Cream tea is often enjoyed as an afternoon snack and has been adopted by cafes around the world.

Royal Tea

Royal tea is a more luxurious version of afternoon tea, distinguished by the addition of champagne or another sparkling wine. This adds an element of celebration and sophistication to the traditional tea service, and has become popular for special occasions and high-end establishments.

Preparing for Your Next Tea Party

Preparation for tea should be done with the same care as any other fine social affair. Your choice of clothing and command of etiquette will make you right at home, no matter which style of tea you’re attending.

How to Accept an Invitation to Tea

When accepting a formal invitation to tea, promptness matters. Thank the host for the invitation and confirm your attendance. If you cannot attend, thank your host and express your regrets.

Dress Code Dilemmas

One of the first things to consider when attending a tea party is what to wear. The dress code will vary depending on the formality of the event, and the host will include details about the dress code. Here are some general tips that will serve you well:

• For Women: Think smart casual or semi-formal. A tea dress is typically light colored or floral patterned, so such a piece is always a safe bet. Pair it with comfortable yet elegant shoes. Avoid anything too flashy or casual, like jeans or anything overly revealing.
• For Men: Opt for a nice button-down, paired with chinos or dress trousers. A blazer will add a touch of sophistication, but it’s not always necessary. Take your cue from the invitation. As with women, avoid casual attire like t-shirts and sneakers.

Accessories and Fine Touches

Accessories can make or break your outfit, so choose them wisely.

• Hats: In many circles, hats are a staple at tea. If the invitation mentions hats, go for something stylish yet understated.
• Jewelry: Keep it minimal. A simple necklace or a pair of earrings can enhance your look without overpowering.
• Bags: A small clutch or a dainty handbag is perfect.

The Essentials of Tea Etiquette

The Art of the Pour

Pouring tea might seem straightforward, but there’s a certain finesse to it. If the host pours the tea, thank them when they fill your cup. If you’re pouring, remember these tips:

• Offer to pour for others before filling your own cup.
• Hold the teapot with one hand and place your other hand on the lid to keep it steady.
• Pour slowly to avoid splashing.

Milk or Sugar First?

This age-old debate continues, but either way, the key is to know the preferences of your fellow guests. If unsure, ask politely, “Would you like milk or sugar?” Traditionally, if you’re adding milk, pour it after the tea to better judge the strength of the brew.

How to Sip and Stir

Believe it or not, there’s a proper way to stir and sip your tea.

• Stirring: Use your spoon to stir your tea gently, moving it back and forth (not in circular motions) to avoid clinking noises.
• Sipping: Take small, delicate sips. Avoid slurping, and don’t blow on your tea to cool it. If it’s too hot, enjoy the conversation for a few minutes while you allow it to cool.

Navigating the Tea Tray

A tea party isn’t complete without an assortment of treats. Here’s how to enjoy them properly:

• Scones: Traditionally served with Devonshire clotted cream and jam, scones should be split in half horizontally. Spread the cream first, then the jam (or the other way around, if you’d prefer).
• Finger Sandwiches: These are usually small and easy to eat in one or two bites. Choose a couple and enjoy between sips.
• Pastries and Cakes: Your tea tray will include a variety of sweet treats like éclairs, macarons, and Victoria sponge cake.

Engaging in Polite Conversation

Breaking the Ice

Starting a conversation at a tea party can be daunting, but with a few tips, you can navigate this social aspect with ease.

• Compliment the Host: Begin by complimenting the host about something you admire about the event. It’s a natural conversation starter.
• Ask Open-Ended Questions: Inquire about your fellow guests’ favorite teas, how they enjoy their tea, or if they have any memorable tea party experiences.

Topics to Avoid

Tea parties are about enjoyment and light-hearted conversation, so there are certain topics best left out:

• Politics and Religion: These subjects can quickly become heated and divisive.
• Personal Finances: Discussing money can be seen as intrusive and make others uncomfortable.
• Gossip: Avoid talking about others, especially in a negative light. It can come across as rude and unsophisticated.

The Wrap Up

Attending a tea party can be a delightful experience if you approach it with the right mindset & preparation. The key is to relax and enjoy the moment. After all, tea parties are as much about the company as they are about the tea.

Happy sipping!

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FAQs About Attending a Tea Party

Q: What should I do if I’m late for tea?

A: If you find yourself running late, inform the host as soon as possible. Upon arrival, apologize briefly and quickly take your seat.

Q: How should I hold my teacup?

A: Hold the teacup by the handle, with your pinkie finger gently curved inward rather than sticking out. This provides a secure grip and looks elegant.

Q: Is it okay to ask for a specific type of tea?

A: If the host offers a selection, feel free to choose your preference. However, if only one type is served, graciously accept it.

Q: Can I bring a guest?

A: Always check with the host beforehand. Bringing an unannounced guest can disrupt events arrangements.